Through the looking glass

Got to read to a patient this week. Every week before this she had been too engaged with the struggle to stay alive to speak with someone new.  I knew her name, but had no sense of the person.  This time - awake, alive, color in her cheeks.  Her body still wasted and weak, but clearly this was a new day.  We agreed that Alice in Wonderland would be nice.  I read the first chapter - pausing together to appreciate how perfect the metaphor of the rabbit hole was for her current situation and for life generally.  What would it take to greet suffering with Alice's eyes:  Curious and curiouser.

Completely still

From The New Old Age Blog http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/11/the-agenda-for-today/
So evocative of the the experience of my elder relatives:

 “It’s just, I feel like my life is like that.” She waves her hand toward the forest outside the window.  The trees, whipped bare by passing winds, crowd without grace down the hill to a thick darkness. Beyond their crisscrossed branches, the winter sky is blue, bold, slashed with a single riff of cloud. “Beautiful,” she says, “and completely still.”

Equally evocative of the experience of a patient I recently saw - young senior, 10years into life with a  brain tumor.  I asked her what she was thinking  (in the bardo of the hospital room).  "I feel useless."  In that moment the room was silent, completely still.  The sun of the cold bright day streamed into the room.  

"What is useful?" I asked.  The conversation moved in many other directions as that thought and moment passed for her.  But it stayed with me.  

Before I left I said, "About being useful, I think differently about it then I used to.  Not much at times seems useful, except maybe being here, in the moment and being with what is there for us.  Being here for that sunshine, for your mom, your friends."  A sigh as the thought returns.  "Maybe."

Charter for Compassion

An effort by Karen Armstrong and many others since 2008.  Seems like an impossibility without a cultural shift that supports mindfulness and reflection.  

Charter for Compassion http://charterforcompassion.org/site/

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.

A warming brew

Been participating in a 'tea swap' - an outgrowth of another online community called PaperBackSwap.  There is something...delicious.. about sharing a spot of tea!  Won a prize for submitting a description of myself as a tea.
The prize is the tea bag holder.  The cup is my current favorite (and yes, that is the Dewey classification number for tea).  The winning description follows!

Me as a tea?

There’s the tea I am
And the tea I would be.

The tea that I am is Fidgit-tea.
Flash frozen then freeze dried,
quickly steeped and fragrant,
a burst of flavor - bergamot, cinnamon, ginger, chai,
warmed by the kinetic energy of a busy life.
Zip, zoom, whizz, wheee - yes that would be me as a tea.


But then there’s the tea I would be.

A drink drunk deep,
strong, sharp, subtly sweet.
One sip and the eyes open
Two sips and the mind expands
Three sips and all can see:
You and me - all the same - over a cup of tea.



Filling your cup, you fill mine.
With this simple act, we are divine.


There’s the tea I am
And the tea I would be.
They are really the same...
Tea of a single flavor,
that’s me as a tea

Friday's clouds

Fast clouds 

dapple sun through closed lids 

sending packets of scent

spring damp earth.

Eyes open 

I lose the scent, 

but delight in

the sun drenched circus.

Genjo Koan (Day 3) - Is everything in zen mu?

...all one boisterous cry of "Just this!"  "leaping free of the many and the one..." is to envelop it all at the same time.  No getting away from any of it; but always accessible is the realization that there is nothing to get away from.

Ach, zen-speak!

Here is me-speak:  My son is back home.  He is the same.  And he is changing moment to moment.  With equanimity (fleeting, but reoccuring), I stand in the midst of our lives, the past and future flow cold over my ankles.  My own boisterous cry is "Just this!" Then I see what needs doing....

No preference?

Started this post on Monday:  There's a lot to do this month.  Heck, there's a great deal loaded into this week. The practice of the week is to show up, do what is needed, and notice where the preference and aversion arises.

Lets start with having to get 'dressed' for work.

Now it is Tuesday.  Whoa.  Were I to list all of yesterday's preferences and aversions, I'd lose an hour.  From preferring more time at home to not wanting to take another call while in the car, to wishing my sad son were less sad and I less frustrated with him, to noting my deep impatience as folks in meetings slowly come to conclusions we'd made a year ago and staff held their anger in truly pointless paranoid defiance to reason.

But today is what I've got.  Started Stephen Levin's "A Year to Live" - something I'd wanted to read and seemingly good prep for the ZCCC interview.  Just the first chapter makes me wonder how to do today differently.