Being with Dying, Joan Halifax c2008her.

There is an intimacy in the voice of this book that prompted me to read it with more deliberation than I have others on this topic.  Each chapter was coupled with a meditation that I recognized as challenging for me, which likely means they are all ones I would benefit from doing; so far - indeed they are!

From her experience and contemplation of how to be with the dying, Halifax effectively communicated that it is just that - be there, be present.  Bring nothing extra so you can respond to what emerges in the moment-to-moment reality of breathing in the same space as another human.  Which is also what we need to do with ourselves as we live with our own discomforts and fears of our own deaths.

Also offered is an explanation of tonglen that now makes me want to explore further.

This is one of the handful of books I would recommend to both those who find themselves in a caregiver role and to anyone who wants to explore what this part of our lives can mean.

Book notes:

• Jonas Salk: Learn to cooperate with the inevitable.
• Radical optimism (born from the raw truth of death) = not investing in the future, but in the present moment, free of design.  "Only a radical optimist can bear to bear witness."
• Equanimity - the state of being non-partial, which is not the same as impartial.
• Sympathetic joy (3rd boundless abode) = joy in the good fortune of others, joy in the virtue of others, altruistic joy engendering benefit in others
• Can we see the true nature of being as free from all pain and at the same time be present with the truth of suffering?  Can we see two things at one and the same moment, like seeing that the water and the wave are not separate?
• Zen saying:  If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.
• What is the shadow of the Bodhisattva?  Helping other beings. (When we forget there is no "I" doing a good deed for "another.")  Roles that emerge (and block) - the hero, martyr, parent, expert.

Letting go

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will have complete peace.
 - Ajahn Chah, Forrest Buddhist Master, 20thc Thailand

....The same message in every book on how to live the Dharma....

Right Speech / Perfect Speech / Samyag-vach

On reading Dharma, Color and Culture, Charles Johnson's essay on Reading the Eightfold Path:

Really enjoyed this comprehensive essay.  Have come back to the discussion of right speech several times since reading it.  Johnson quotes Heidegger on idle speech serving to close-off "Being-in-the-world" aka "inter-being".  Then notes:  "Violence is not only physical, it is psychological and verbal.  It beings in the mind.  All my life I've wondered what it would be like to live in a society where, instead of men and women insulting and tearing each other down, people in their social relations, and even in the smallest ways, held the highest intellectual, moral, creative, and spiritual expectations for one another."

Indeed, what would that world look like?  What we I look like/be if genuinely habituated to that type of expectation.

It would be a reason to follow the Buddhist idea of "holding" thought at three gates, i.e., enough time to consider:  Is what I am about to say true?  Will it cause no harm?  And is it necessary?

I remember meeting at least one teacher who seemed to so consciously aim to observe / hold his speech in this way.  Maybe it is possible.