Being with Dying, Joan Halifax c2008her.

There is an intimacy in the voice of this book that prompted me to read it with more deliberation than I have others on this topic.  Each chapter was coupled with a meditation that I recognized as challenging for me, which likely means they are all ones I would benefit from doing; so far - indeed they are!

From her experience and contemplation of how to be with the dying, Halifax effectively communicated that it is just that - be there, be present.  Bring nothing extra so you can respond to what emerges in the moment-to-moment reality of breathing in the same space as another human.  Which is also what we need to do with ourselves as we live with our own discomforts and fears of our own deaths.

Also offered is an explanation of tonglen that now makes me want to explore further.

This is one of the handful of books I would recommend to both those who find themselves in a caregiver role and to anyone who wants to explore what this part of our lives can mean.

Book notes:

• Jonas Salk: Learn to cooperate with the inevitable.
• Radical optimism (born from the raw truth of death) = not investing in the future, but in the present moment, free of design.  "Only a radical optimist can bear to bear witness."
• Equanimity - the state of being non-partial, which is not the same as impartial.
• Sympathetic joy (3rd boundless abode) = joy in the good fortune of others, joy in the virtue of others, altruistic joy engendering benefit in others
• Can we see the true nature of being as free from all pain and at the same time be present with the truth of suffering?  Can we see two things at one and the same moment, like seeing that the water and the wave are not separate?
• Zen saying:  If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.
• What is the shadow of the Bodhisattva?  Helping other beings. (When we forget there is no "I" doing a good deed for "another.")  Roles that emerge (and block) - the hero, martyr, parent, expert.